As January drew to a close I reflected on the last few weeks and asked myself, ”How was I doing in 2017?
Was I continuing to practice mindful living? I love the New Year and always saw it as a fresh start. In the past I would write a list of goals and was determined to keep them. I used all of my willpower to keep them.. They never lasted for I was relying on my own self.
This year was different.
I only made one resolution for 2017 and that was to continue living mindfully and spiritually. I wanted to live intentionally throughout the day and not merely when I remembered. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I kept hearing the words, ”Pay attention!!” I had made progress during the year but I had a long way to go. I was schizophrenic. At times living mindfully and thoughtfully modifying my habits and paying attention to what was going on around me as well as inside me.
Other times I was back to my old self, my false self, multitasking, caught up in my own fears, needs and wants. Being overcome by daily life and putting too much emphasis and importance on getting things done no matter who or what the cost. There was no time to stop, reflect and pray. To ask for guidance, and the grace to just do the next right thing and breathe.
This way of living left me depleted and empty.
The Epiphany this year had special significance for me. I meditated on the wise men and wondered how can I be as wise? They followed a star. They never lost their way and just kept following no matter what the circumstances or how they felt. They moved toward the light even when darkness overcame them. They were steadfast. How can I do the same? What hat star was I following? Did I continue moving toward the to the light? When I returned to old behavior patterns of over scheduling, constantly being in motion, and being oblivious to my own actions and reactions; I was turning away from the star. I know as long as I follow the light of the star I know I am on the right path. However, when I turn away I lose direction and am lost When I am sad my tears blur the light and I have difficulty seeing. When I become angry or despair I cannot find the light because I am blocked form the star’s illumination. And when I am too busy with life and do not spend time in stillness quiet and prayer I cannot see or hear the light’s guiding presence which grounds me. The light gives me a feeling of wholeness.
How can a be a wise women? I must never lose sight of the star. In order to do that I must “remain in Him” as John writes in his gospel, 1 John 2; 27-28. The wise men adored the Christ child. They recognized Him as a King, high priest , and sacrifice as evidenced by the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Do I do the same?
In 2017, I must focus on slowing down, being present, and not making plans because I am afraid to just “ be”. To continue to follow the star centering prayer and meditation. must be staples of my life. If I am going to live a mindful and intentional life I must tap into the divine presence so I heal and have the power to make the changes I need to make in my life.
My very good and wise is friend is 84 years old. She is very active and still teaches singing. She told me her secret. She said, “I am into S&S–silence and solitude.”
Am I taking her advice? If Christ is the source I must remain in Him and ask for the grace that emanates from that star. Always moving toward the light!
