I was ecstatic when I heard that it was going to be 90‑degree weather on a Saturday at the end of April. I immediately made plans to spend a day at the beach. I packed all the magazines I was meaning to read, some work I did not get to, and a book I hoped to begin. I went to the beach, situated myself, and thanked God for such a beautiful day. I was thrilled that the beach was not crowded and I was able to choose a place where no one was around to distract or bother. Mark was also there, but he had already said that he wanted to fish so I knew that he would not be anywhere near the vicinity of my chair. I sat down, got myself comfortable, and was ready to delve into my reading. I felt a little tickle on my arm and I noticed a ladybug on my arm. I tried to blow the ladybug off, but to no avail. Then I flicked the ladybug off my arm and it fell upside down on the sand. Now I felt guilty, so I helped turn it right side up and it began walking on the sand by my chair. I turned to my magazine and I noticed that now the ladybug was now on my leg.
I was becoming irritated and again, I flicked the ladybug off. This time the ladybug started to fly and I thought for sure I was clear of this annoying bug. I went back to the magazine determined to begin. After a few minutes I realized the lady bug was back on my arm. I became exasperated, but then I took a deep breath and I said to myself, wait a minute, this is more than a coincidence. I took a good look at the ladybug and saw just how beautiful she was. She had a bright orange color, about three or four black round dots perfectly formed, each the exact same size on its back. Her wings delicate and graceful. Her movement was like a dance, as she moved down my arm.
As I pondered the ladybug, I looked up and I “saw” the ocean, maybe for the first time that day. I was so busy trying to open my chair, get my sunscreen, get my water, situate myself, and decide what magazine I to read that I didn’t see the beauty of the ocean. I was certainly not practicing mindfulness. When I looked up, I noticed my husband, Mark, and I watched him as he threw out some casts. I felt a rush of love and gratitude for him and this moment. I noticed the glistening of the sun on the water. A little further down there were a number of dogs with their owners. They were big dogs and small ones some were barking. A few of the dogs were running in and out of the water trying to avoid the waves with such energy and abandon. It made me smile. I looked at my arm and found the ladybug was still there. I was glad. I wondered how many other times I missed out on present moments When did I not see the beauty of where I was and who I was with? Was I so determined to always accomplish something that I missed out on living? I also realized I often treated God like the ladybug at times during my life. How many times had he come and kept coming to me, and like the ladybug I shooed Him away?
Then once I answered the call and gave Him my attention making Him the center of my life, how many times did the day pass and I did not think of Him. How many times had he sent people into my life who were teachers, messengers, and had something to share with me, or teach me and I refused to see or hear? He is always there willing to help in my path to mindfulness and the spiritual life. I just have to look and listen for Him. For the rest of the day, I did not look at any of the magazines I had in my beach bag.
Instead, I took in the sun, I closed my eyes, relaxed, and listened to the waves. I also practiced centering prayer. This time I took time to prepare prior to entering into centering prayer. Then when the sounding bell went off, I took my time, said an Our Father, and did not immediately open my eyes get up and move on to the next activity. I realized that sometimes I treat centering prayer as just another task, or a chore – set the alarm for twenty minutes, take a deep breath begin – and then I become agitated when I cannot calm myself enough to have the experience of the centering prayer. I find that when I do allow myself to enter into the centering prayer, I clear my mind and am open to contact with the spirit. I have such a feeling of relief and many times tears run down my face. These are tears of joy, tears of contentment, tears of renewal and healing – I’m going to the source of life and I am being touched by it. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to make time to do the centering prayer every day, when it benefits me so much. Perhaps because it is very difficult to allow myself to become vulnerable, open, and remain in the present moment. I will continue to make these efforts. I miss so much, just like my Ladybug, when I do not live mindfully.
